Total Runtime: 283 minutes


None of this was ever intended to be heard publicly. My Personal Daily, Improv creative diary. because I won't always be here.

WORLD BUILDING / BACKSTORY / CONTEXT:

Let's Begin...

Every single word spoken in the "Daily Rambles" Series (2015-2022) is 1000% Freestyle. Every beat I produced on Chapter V was also created in real time, one take (Evolving Portals) Documenting the present. Improv, in the moment, spontaneous, off the dome freestyle. I have to over explain to ensure it's understood not a single thought or word was written because the term "Freestyle" has changed over the years and doesn't hold the same meaning it once did when I began freestyling late 1994 or keystyling in aol chat rooms in 1995, The term freestyle lost its original meaning and became a loophole for releasing a written track via mixtapes and stuff like that. This series is pure, in the moment freestyle. None of which was ever intended to be heard publicly. My Private creative sandbox / diary to have fun & experiment with being 100% present in the unknown. Due to the lack of pressure often that comes with releasing music into the world. The Peace I had, knowing all of these would never reach human ears other than my own created this perfect utopia of being able to bob and weave in and out of being silly and having fun, flowing from gibberish to super stream of conscious flow state introspective, venting and being completely vulnerable. The Series didn't begin with this intention though.

Chapter I (2015-2016) began after purchasing the Tascam DR-05 field recorder with the intention of writing to all the beats I collected from my favorite producers in case I ever decided to write and record a new Dutchmassive album. That intention was swiftly derailed by how much fun I was having being mobile, out in public and finally having the ability to record in real time, over a beat any and everywhere other than stuck in doors. While Chapter I was me freestyling over beats I always intended to write to.

The Series took a turn and evolved moving forward beginning with Chapter II (2017). I became really addicted to being creative in the moment and wanted to challenge myself. So I reached out to my favorite producers to send me batches of beats, I would not listen to them at all until they were loaded up into the Tascam. The first time you are hearing the beat, was the first time I was hearing the beat. My thought process at the time was, If the right beat came on that could finally inspire me to sit and write, I would know immediately based on how my voice fit or how moved I was to take it seriously. Blindly Freestyling and adapting to beats in real time meant there were going to be beats I don't like, or I may like but know my voice isn't suited for, so when those would pop up, you could hear me acting more silly, altering my voice to match the beat. To add an extra layer of challenge, 95% of the daily rambles series is recorded outside in public. Parks, Beaches, everywhere. In Chapter I, they were all recorded outside but I tried my hardest to find places no humans were. So most were recorded super late at night walking around. Chapter II, I wasn't in a location where no humans around was as easy so I leaned into. Which is why you can hear my whisper, ramble, while reacting to what's happening in real time. Being at the park, in the zone, when 3 soccer moms pushing strollers pass looking at me like I was crazy haha, Judgmental staring from men in business suits. I used this as therapy to get over my fear of overcrowded surroundings after spending an extended period in magical secluded isolation on a nature preserve in upstate NY. It was fun and healing. By Chapter III, I attempted to record rambles in my house. Something that was harder than it sounds because my house was the corner lot, and a very busy road with heavy traffic and the mic would pick up the cars zooming by. but I attempted it and it was a dope change of pace, being able fully project my voice, being extra silly and at ease enough to be super vulnerable.

You'll notice a theme from Chapter I - V where I subtly speak on my health, and give myself pep talks. I was going through crazy health changes I did not understand and was embarrassed to talk about publicly. By Chapter IV, My health became much more severe, as did my natural self preservation coping mechanism of giving myself pep talks or being sarcastic making light of it all. With fears of 6 figure surgery that had 80+ % chance of permanent facial paralysis, I freestyled my little heart out in access, and even considered possibly making all the freestyles public, just not attached to my name. Thus the alias "The Reluctant Clap" was born.

The Reluctant Clap had multiple meanings for me, these private whisper freestyles were my way of expressing during a time where If I sat down and wrote, I would be calling out the insane B.S. happening in the world and in my life in general, but I held back. Also speaks to how so many people are secretly fans of your art, but in the age of algorithms, it's not cool to applaud your inspirations publicly. Towards the end of Chapter IV, My health got way more scary, and my rambles reflected this, by December 2019 my Last contract working at the Harlem Hospital in NY, The Physician I was teaching saw I could barely stand, and asked all my symptoms and told me to go to the ER immediately when I returned to Tampa. I explained I lost health insurance after moving back to Florida, and he taught me a work around. Told me to wait exactly 61 days after receiving my last paycheck, and I would be able to get seen without fear of going into medical debt for the rest of my life. I was 2 weeks away from day 61, went out in public for the last time toward the end of February with my good friend and fellow producer Lofidel, felt hopeful and happy and as soon as he left, I stayed and walked the streets next to the ocean and recorded what would become the last Freestyles before the world would change, A week later, Lockdown. Extreme fear, The Physicians I taught contacted me and told me this is very serious and avoid going anywhere near a hospital until this passes.

August 2020. After receiving an eviction notice from my house (my career traveling the states teaching at hospitals was obviously not possible) so with plans to move back up to NY or Los Angeles, I received a call from uncle demanding I move in with 90+ grandmother as she wasn't handling being alone during the pandemic well at all. Which brings us to Chapter V (2020-2022) I did everything humanly possible to course correct my health on my own, while being super productive musically, streaming on twitch constantly, learning defi, creating a virtual avatar to stream with that controls Ableton Live since being on camera was not possible in my condition and it was important for me to world build and make the experience unique and special., and I pushed through silently pretending, masking pain through productivity until my symptoms reached a level I could not pretend anymore. I lost the ability to sit up in chairs, was rendered to existing sideways on the floor, always in pain, and put that pain into music to heal. I had zero control over my body, and became impossible to hide so I isolated from every community, left every discord, stopped streaming and began preparing and archiving my entire creative body of work 1995-present to put on USB drives, while learning about global markets and defi and trying to find a way to bring myself back to a baseline normal life, without having to burden anyone with how severe my health is, and it's just kept and keeps getting worse. I still manage to make light of it and try to remain positive, but at times you feel reality creep through. I never intended to release these publicly, as health turned much worse, I kinda leaned into doing these publicly, A Few were done live on IG or Twitch, while making the beats live at the same time. But I never intended to release the whole series due to the pride of people not understanding the context around gibberish freestyle of thinking they are written thought out songs. Thanks to a little push and perspective from @cxy I was convinced that this series is probably my most important body of work across my 30 year career and to be brave and courageous. So here I am, Reluctantly oversharing, finally committing. I present to you,

"The Reluctant Clap" (Daily Rambles)

Further Context / World Building:

+ beta.catalog.works/dutchmassive
+ beta.catalog.works/dutchyyy
+ foundation.app/@PeacePeaceGawd?tab=collections